Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
