you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
