No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why do cheetos always look like penises
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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