im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
