I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
