carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
