so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
