why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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