The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
