i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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