so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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