he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
