I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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