I feel great
I just peed on a car
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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