Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
