the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
