So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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