i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
FUCK WHALES
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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