so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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