Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
