better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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