Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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