No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
