I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
