I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
