Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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