theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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