Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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