Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
