Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
