So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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