so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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