You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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