So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize