im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
