Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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