3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
