NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're like the curious george of whores
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
