someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
