so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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