Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
