I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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