No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
