The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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