Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
