My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a search helicopter?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
