No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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