I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize