I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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