Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
