i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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