I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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