goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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