My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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