I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
