so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's like iHOP with fire
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
