Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
