She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
