My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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