Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
