You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?