I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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