Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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