oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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