Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
