There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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