I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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