for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
