so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
