shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
