Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
