How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
