also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
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I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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