I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
