wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
