She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
