i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
