You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
