She's JV to your varsity
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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