my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
