Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
