Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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